Sunday, 3 February 2008

cynacism revisited

This is why you shouldn't ever leave a CD sitting on a car seat. The CD doesn't even work any more, and that sucks. The funny part is that the CD was all about (insofar as mix CDs are "about" anything) Kevin Rudd's victory and new-found unwarranted optimism. And as I get more and more cynical, more offended by the actions of a government no better than the last, the disk melted and warped. Symbolic of my perception of government. Or maybe just coincidental, I'm not sure.

My life these days mostly consists of wading through the internet trying to laugh. Or maybe watching TV shows I should be ashamed of (though I still haven't gotten as far as Gilmore Girls). Just not doing the things that I should. I have to write a proposal to the Minister Assisting the Premier on Social Inclusion (as she will be in ten days). I haven't started. I really need to. I need to get this done so I can get the fucking monkey off my back. It's easier not to but better to.

I don't want to be of the wanky class that puts lyrics in their blog entries at meaningful points, but Ben Folds just told me that "I'm feeling more alone than I ever have before". Come on, how am I meant to not use that?

I want to watch more movies. 80s movies. Juno. Sweeny Todd. Whatever. I want also to be liked. Mostly I just want to be left alone for about a week, maybe two. No responsibilities, nothing to do, nothing to worry about. Just to be for a little while. A holiday, I think they call that.

The scholarship office emailed me today (I know, on a Sunday!) to ask if I was going to be going to uni this semester. And if I don't go next semester then the scholarship will need to be "renegotiated". Fuck. All they have to do is look at my academic record and dismiss me without anything.

So much for my year off.

I wouldn't mind going to uni, I think. There's a lot of free time, a lot of not doing much. I get to learn interesting things. The only trouble is that I will die because I can't actually do the mathematics so they'll expel me without a degree. I just don't think I'm capable of passing Algebra 3. There is a point where no matter how hard you work you just can't pass. That scares me shitless.