I just want to bitch and moan forever but, unfortunately, I don't even have the energy to do that. I wish there was something interesting I could talk about. Law Girl was in the row in front of me today. She showed her friends a Calvin and Hobbes comic. I skipped my other lecture. I don't have a car. I want food. But not food really I want... I don't even know what I want. And that's my problem.
I have several guilty pleasures. These include listening to Avril Lavigne... no, that's pretty much it.
I want to blog but there's really not a lot to blog about. I'm behind with uni, broke and hungry. The only thing that's new is I'm also sick, but that doesn't really make any difference.
I'm sitting in the cold on the ref steps being anxty. And it's cheering me up.
I'm not in the mood for conversation today. Or anything at all really, other than just doing nothing. Maybe eating, possibly drinking, probably watching TV and reading.
Sigh.
It might actually work too...
In other news, if you ever need a medal or trophy go to Trophy Traders, opposite Ogilvie's main entrance. I say this because the guy in there can only be described as gruff, but he's quite reasonable and I think he's cool because I wouldn't mind being like him when I'm old.
I had a small nervous breakdown earlier this evening. I fucked up my moot, totally failed at it. But it's not the failure that bothers me. I can handle failure.
Take for example another small failing today: this morning I had my administrative law tutorial and it was terrible. The submission I made had almost no meaning at all. It certainly wasn't an accurate reflection of the law or a valid argument to make. I had be buoyed by the return of my second briefing paper (86% or a high distinction, plus a request to put it up as an example for next year's class) but this wasn't why I was ok with doing such a shitty job. I was ok with it because my preparation involved reading the question as I was getting dressed.
The moot was different. I spent five hours in the library today. Admittedly not all of it was preparing for my moot - some of it was sleeping and I also talked to Nikki (Rogers, old school friend) for a while... but I spent quite some time preparing. Reading cases, taking notes, underlining important sections. I spent $2 on printing. I wrote and rewrote. I worked at this. I didn't work exhaustively but I was prepared. I knew what I was doing. I was ready. I was going to kick arse: smash it, as they say.
But I didn't. I failed dismally. My presentation was poor, I gave bad arguments, I didn't have the cases to back up what I was saying. It was terrible. This is the problem. I don't mind failing. What sent me into shock and made me cry (well, I didn't cry about it until I was home and watching sad DVDs, so we can blame them) was that I'm not as good as I think I am. That's the great travesty here. If I work really hard and still can't do it - well, that's incapacity. I know there are things I can't do. But none of them involved using my mind. Anything that required thought I could do. Anything. Give me enough time and I could learn about Puritanism in Elizabethan England or electrical engineering or organic chemistry or gender studies or finance. This was my strength. This is what made me feel good about myself. I was capable of learning anything I put my mind to. But if there are things I can't do... that bothers me greatly. Especially if it's advocacy, precisely what I'm training to do, what I want to do. It makes life difficult.
This then triggered a massive round of self-hate and Nikky-angst and such. And the die alone business. Great fun all around.
In my family the wearing of odd socks is a crime. It's quite curious really. It's simply not done - like taboo. Odd socks from the laundry are kept for a week or so then turned into rags, mercilessly destroyed by cleaning the TV.
I mention this because I saw someone wearing odd socks this evening and had commented on it before. It's... curious to me. Very anthropology.
I think I want to be a teacher. Discuss. Comment.
I also think that a specific person doesn't like me very much and that's fine, but I wish she did. This isn't girlfriend angst, it's ... much more complicated. But I don't want to name names or anything. It's nobody reading this I'm fairly sure.
Speaking of people who don't read this, I've decided to befriend Lucy (as she decided to befriend me). From my criminal law tute - but not Law Girl (who I again didn't even look at).
There are some postsecrets I really like and others I don't. I've been doing an absurd amount of reading faux postsecrets recently. Specifically, ljsecret. I'd like to show you two of them. There's the one that is something I do and there's the other one that is also something I do.
That's really all I guess.
I was sitting in the ref today and Wonderwall came on the radio. There was audible singing along. Not from anyone or any group in particular, but there was definitely singing. Just the overtones of several people singing quietly.
I also observed today a girl with a Firefox bag. That's pretty cool. She did look a bit like a furry though...
It is said that the difference between theory and practice is that in theory, there is no difference, whereas in practice there is.
PARTIAL LIST OF THINGS I INTENDED TO DO TODAY
Review the ALSA 2008 budget
Briefly look at the Youth Parliament budget
Not eat icecream
Do - or at least start - my criminal law tutorial
Pushups
Situps
PARTIAL LIST OF THINGS I DID TODAY
Ate icecream
Watched Jamie Oliver cook a BBQ
Read random webcomics
I'm getting old. I know this because I can no longer stay out until four in the morning and operate the next day. I also know I'm still young however. This I know because when I get back I still send email. *sigh*
I've been reading a blog again, one that I haven't read in a while. The blogger made reference to http://xkcd.com/c184.html, presumably amused by it. Few people are and it made me happy that she was.
I saw RHMaths girl yesterday. Last time I saw her was that she was happy after the pure maths exam last year. I was like "man, she's cool".
She's actually majoring in something that isn't pure maths. Sigh.
