Thursday 1 October 2009

sexual inadequacy

With skills like that I should write headlines for the Hun.

Here's the thing. I don't think of sex as real. I can't think of any other way to describe it. I get the impression that people imagine themselves having sex with others on a fairy regular basis. I don't. I don't have a visual imagination at all, which makes it interesting. I also don't picture others having sex. So the idea of people I know having sex seems... well, absurd. Because I haven't seen it.

I know, this is crazy, but earlier this evening people were talking about sex and it weirded me out. They're friends of mine and my friends don't have sex (solipsism-much?). It freaked me out a bit. It was weird.

It's not that I have a problem with sex, nor am I embarrassed by sex... I just... don't think about it and so can't discuss it. And the idea of people I know even having sex organs is foreign to me.

And yes, I know intellectually they have sex organs and sex and for a couple I know precisely their level of depravity... but that's not the same as emotionally knowing they have sex. There's a disconnect. Because all the sex they have is... it's fake, to my mind. In the same way Africa is fake because I've never been there - because I haven't had sex with them it's fake. (Actually, my own sexual experiences tend to take on a surreal nature in memory, so perhaps this is some deep-seated psychological issue).

Anyway, point is I can't talk about sex because it's fake and that makes me feel inadequate.

Also I have a floppy penis. (For clarity: that is a joke)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I wish I could get to know you better. I always thought myself inferior compared to you, though, so I didn't really try. Self-esteem issues, etc.

Your posts on here just reinforce, in my mind, that you are a really interesting person, and that I really should have tried.

I'm not sure about your definition of fake. Do you mean it as in it doesn't happen, or that it lacks the emotional depth of the sex that you have had in the past, or...?