debaclé

I was meant to go out this afternoon to a picnic. I had been wavering but had said emphatically yesterday (when invited) that I would go. Today I wavered. Then I informed the inviter I wouldn't go. The inviter got angry, I said I would go but would be late. I was told I was a cunt and unwanted.

I had managed to do fairly well at not pissing off the inviter in the past. Now that I have I fear a grudge will be held; 'tis their style.

But you know what? I didn't do it to piss them off. I didn't do it because I don't like them. I did it because I am not in a fit state to go out. I did it because I don't want to leave the house today. And I didn't think it was that important. When I was informed it was important I said I would go because had I known that I would've. Were this a party organised long in advance, an awards ceremony, a wedding -- something obviously key -- I would've participated. This was a picnic in a friend's back garden organised last night because it looked to be a nice day today. Reneging at the last minute is not a nice thing to do but it's not unforgivable.

I have a feeling I won't be forgiven. I have a feeling I hurt the inviter and that hurts me. It wasn't my intention -- though what is it they say about the road to hell?

Fuck.