I like to sit up at AUSSAT (or whatever that transceiver station is called) and look out over Hobart. I think it reminds me of the classic Hollywood look-over-LA scene. I think it's either ironic or symbolic of my entire existence that I never feel more connected to the real world than when I'm imitating its fakest part.
I have been watching a lot of TV lately. TV-on-DVD-on-AVI, specifically. I didn't sleep last night, in fact. Between 2am and now (4pm) I have watched 13.5 episodes of Brothers & Sisters and a at least four episodes of Eureka. I tried to watch Gilmore Girls but I just can't make it past the opening credits. I'm too afraid that someone will find out. Because they will.
Today I've also fixed the internet (which I happened to break yesterday) and stopped my father from crushing himself with a cupboard shelf. We're doing the furniture-moving-minor-remodelling thing and it is disastrous, as always.
One of the things that I have realised, both from watching Brothers and Sisters and from Gideon leaving, is that I really value my family. A lot. Like, more than you can possibly imagine. A lot of the show is crap, a lot is over-dramatised, a lot is poorly acted but there are occasional moments which ring precisely true. Those are why I've spent ten hours watching this show. There is nothing quite like those moments of family life which are just so unfakable. Things you can't produce because you want to but that arise organically at any large gathering.
Tamar (my sister) is getting married in August. It is going to be magnificent, partially because of the wedding and partially because of the massive family gathering and the beauty of that.
There are a few other things I thought I would mention. This bit may be fairly disjointed.
I think it may be ironic that I know so many girls named Claire (or some variation thereof) given to what degree I lack clarity when thinking about girls.
I have been thinking of having a shirt made that says "I sent in that PostSecret that you like." Massive chick-magnet, I know.
The Mental Health Tribunal is the most intimidating place I have ever been. It totally fails to meet the informality requirement. I cannot imagine what it would be like for someone forced to undertake treatment against their will to try to argue their case in such a location. It is horrible. It certainly brought out my anxiety to the point of an attack that required me to quickly leave to see Juno. Which is a great film with a great soundtrack.
Finally, I've been crying a lot lately. Just because. I think this is what it would feel like to be on the edge of a nervous breakdown. Which isn't to say I am, because mine won't get worse. But if you're like this and likely to get worse it is probably the nervous breakdown,
C'est tout.
Do you ever get so horrified by your meaningless and repetitive existence as to question whether survival really has any meaning? If you do, you will almost invariably come to the conclusion either that your life exists solely to serve others (be they real people or imaginary sky people) or that your life is driven by the biological need to fuck. Of course at this point your mind diverts into two streams of consciousness, one considering the literary/musical allusions and poor jokes available from such a diatribe, the other considering this more likely biological reason for existence. The trouble is that any consideration of fucking invariably leads you to a consideration of whether anyone would ever fuck you and why they might. All of a sudden about 90% of your life is pointless. Even trying hard you couldn't muster the attractiveness of sci-fi/fantasy actors, so why bother when it comes to them so easily. It's not just actors, of course. You have school-mates, work-mates and casual acquaintances who are all much better at being eye-candy. So you have to find some other way to be fuckable. Don't you see? You're at an evolutionary disadvantage here! And again it's easiest to die out. Suicide doesn't seem like a good idea, of course. It's really not. You need to consider high-order functions of human existence. Every person has an important place. So rather than entering the market for a relationship, don't bother. Consider yourself a tool of society, a maintainer of the social contract. Someone useful in ensuring that others can fulfil their biological needs. You are ancillary staff to the world. You hate the word fuck too, of course, because you need to believe in the value of this higher order. That perhaps the non-biological parts of human existence will lead to fucking that you can call love. But here fucking is appropriate - the connotation is clear. A purely physical act culminating and ending with orgasm. Pity or payment seem to be your best bets for sex. All this bullshit about love and perfection is just that. You start to believe in the words of those horrible Frenchmen who write books with names like The Fall. As the horror of the meaningless of your life sinks in you consider the idea of happiness. It's really not worth it to try and find happiness when at such a disadvantage. It's far too much work. So you resign yourself to a life of shallow, dull servitude. Occasionally you will break and rant and scream your unhappiness to the ether but then you sigh and relax and go back to ensuring those who never had to work for their mighty positions will never have to.
And by you, I mean me.
So, it's nearly Christmas. I'm thinking of writing a self-Annual Report. But that's probably a lot more effort than I have time to do.
I think I should pay more attention to the reasons why people do things.
I want to say more but I really can't. I'm watching Dinosaurs.
So, it's December apparently?
There are lots of Christmas ads. They make me a bit upset that I don't celebrate Christmas. But the two - three? - Christmas celebrations I've been to haven't quite been what is depicted on TV.
So yeah, I dunno. I just think it's about time I blog again.
Kevin Rudd won convincingly. This is no surprise. I don't really care any more. There are a few things that will change (Work Choices, Freedom of Information, parliamentary terms (hopefully)) but in reality it'll be the same complaints for the next three years.
The more interesting thing I did today is this:
This is about a Human Rights Act, specifically in Tasmania, though it could be generalised nationally.
In October the Tasmanian Law Reform Commission released their Final Report #10 on a Charter of Human Rights for Tasmania. The model is quite good in most respects. It is similar to the New Matilda Act in that it is a piece of ordinary legislation.
The proposed Charter would recognise the superiority of Parliament to specifically exclude a piece of primary legislation from compatibility with the Charter[1]. It would, however, allow the Supreme Court to declare any executive action or subordinate legislation to be incompatible, resulting in that action or rule being invalidated.
The inconsistency, as I see it, is that in Australia (and especially in Tasmania) the Parliament is controlled by the executive. The Cabinet in Tasmania can rule the party caucus (8 of 13 members in the HoA) and a backbench revolt in Federal politics is beyond imagining[2].
So we recognise that the executive needs to be controlled but give the power to do anything to a body controlled by them? It is absurd.
If the executive were separate from the legislature (something for which I have long argued[3]) then this would indeed be appropriate. But as long as Parliament is a tool of the executive, it should not have the power to exclude the applicability of human rights.
The report makes for interesting reading, or even if you're not up for that, just check out the summary and recommendations.
[1] Subordinate legislation could be enabled by an Act of Parliament (i.e. primary legislation) and primary legislation ruled not compatible by the Supreme Court would become inactive after seven months if not affirmed by Parliament.
[2] Petro Georgio is the exception that proves the rule here.
[3] I've been saying it for at least a month now ;).
So I'm not sure if I posted this or not, but one of the reasons I want a girlfriend is to be able to do those good-guy things you get to do as a significant other. Like sitting in the rain waiting for someone to forgive you, or getting them just the right present... The "awww" stuff from movies.
The trouble with all that stuff is it's kinda creepy most of the time. "I'll never stop asking you out until you go out with me" - that's stalker behaviour. Or the famous first date in Hitch - I'll just call you, despite that you didn't give me your number, then I'll look up detailed genealogical information about you. It's a bit weird. I'd never do that. I'd be way too scared - so I guess I'll sit here and rot in the damp.
This movie is fantastic, really. It makes me want to move to New Jersey. And it's incredible. It is just incredible.
Meeting people is all about finding key questions. Just those few questions that you can ask someone and it will get them to tell you those key things that define people. But they won't tell you that voluntarily, you have to push the button - you have to ask them.
There are people I know - and who I know quite well - to whom I have never asked these questions, for whom I've never found those questions. People I know very well. And maybe I got those questions once but I haven't found a new ones recently. It's troublesome.
I love this movie. And the soundtrack. And Zach Braff.
Depression has hit.
I don't want sympathy; I don't want anything. I want regular fucking nothing.
I hate the use of "proper grammar" with terms like "lol". It's not "Lol" at the beginning of a sentence. It's a different dialect, doing that would be stupid.
I saw a brochure in my car and my thought wasn't "wow I was a candidate" (as it had been before tonight) but "fuck that was a massive waste of time, money and effort, and would be even if I did get in".
But now I'm pot committed I have to run again.
Fuck.
Pros:
- Nobody to complain if you decide today might not be a day for pants
- Nobody concerned for your health if you decide today might not be a day for vitamins
- Nobody asking you what's wrong if you decide today might be a day for DVDs and silence
- You don't need permission to read until 4am
- Nobody bugging you for sexual contact when you're really not in the mood (e.g. it's 3am and you're at the dénouement)
Cons:
- Nobody to hug
- Nobody concerned for your health
- Nobody to bug for sexual contact when it's 3am and you really want a dénouement
- You don't have encouragement to go out
- Nobody with whom you can giggle about xkcd 335
PS: Linky to an abandoned blog that used to belong to TLC, just to appease her ;).